SHOCKING NEWS: Chaos in Toronto! Blue Jays Coach Suspended After Bizarre Mystery Test
Toronto — In a twist that has left baseball fans speechless and statisticians frantically updating their spreadsheets, the Toronto Blue Jays have reportedly suspended their head coach, “Coach Johnson”, following what team officials are calling “a confusing and extremely unexpected test result.”
According to anonymous sources inside the clubhouse, the test in question was supposed to measure caffeine levels after a record-breaking coffee binge during last week’s doubleheader. Instead, the machine “malfunctioned spectacularly,” printing out the word ‘SEXUAL’ before bursting into smoke.
“Honestly, we still don’t know what it was testing for,” said one team trainer while holding a fire extinguisher. “All we know is that Coach Johnson is temporarily suspended until we can figure out what that machine even does.”
Fans immediately took to social media, flooding timelines with conspiracy theories ranging from alien interference to a secret MLB plot to outlaw energy drinks. Meanwhile, the players remain focused. “Coach told us to keep swinging,” said one veteran player. “Preferably at baseballs, not lab equipment.”
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