TOUCH DOWN A FEW MINUTES AGO: Penrith Panthers Star Center Izack Tago Has Been Banded from sports Activities by (NRL) Officials After He Tested Positive for……. VIEW MORE
TOUCH DOWN A FEW MINUTES AGO: Penrith Panthers Star Centre Izack Tago “Banned” from Sports Activities by NRL Officials After He Tested Positive for… (Fiction)
According to this entirely fabricated report, league officials were forced to intervene when Tago’s routine performance screening detected “dangerously high levels of skill, speed, and general game-destroying talent,” a situation the imaginary NRL Integrity Unit reportedly described as “a threat to the balance of competition.”
Eyewitnesses claim the moment was surreal. One source, who absolutely does not exist, said:
“He was running drills and just kept scoring imaginary tries. At that point, the testers had no choice.”
NRL spokesperson Sheila McMakeItUp, speaking from a press conference that never happened, announced:
“We cannot allow one player to be this good. For the fairness of the league, Mr. Tago will be temporarily benched until his excellence levels return to regulation limits.”
The Panthers allegedly plan to appeal the decision, arguing that Tago’s talent is “natural, harmless, and honestly quite helpful during finals.”
