In a shock announcement that sent shockwaves through the National Fictional League (NFL-F) this afternoon, league officials confirmed that Brisbane Thunderhawks fullback Reece Welsh has been temporarily banned from all sporting activities following an unusual and unexpected test result.
According to the league’s statement, Welsh’s routine mid-season wellness screening returned a “highly irregular but non-harmful substance reading” that analysts described as “unlike anything we’ve seen, except maybe at a children’s birthday party.”
Sources inside the Thunderhawks’ camp, speaking on condition of anonymity, claim that the fullback had recently taken part in a charity event involving:
- three gallons of neon-blue energy drink,
- a sherbet-eating competition, and
- a bouncy castle shaped like a dragon.
League medical director Dr. Ellery Knox stated:
“We want to emphasize: this is not a performance-enhancing substance. If anything, it would make a person jittery, glow slightly, and attempt to recite motivational quotes at high speed. We simply need to understand what happened.”
Fans erupted online within minutes.
On ThunderTalk forums, one user wrote:
“If sherbet is banned, half our team is gone.”
Another added:
“This is the most Reece Welsh thing to ever happen.”
The Thunderhawks have confirmed that Welsh is cooperating fully and is expected to return to play as soon as officials finish reviewing the incident — and once he stops “vibrating like a fridge.”
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