In a stunning twist that has sent shockwaves through the rugby league world, Newcastle Knights fullback and co-captain Kalyn Ponga has reportedly submitted a formal resignation letter—but not to the club, coaching staff, or even the NRL.
According to sources close to the situation, Ponga delivered his handwritten letter directly to… the team’s coffee machine.
Witnesses claim that the superstar fullback approached the café corner at Knights HQ early Monday morning, latte in hand, before placing a neatly folded envelope against the espresso machine with the words:
“I can’t do this anymore.”
A BREAKDOWN IN THE RELATIONSHIP?
Insiders say tensions have been rising for months between Ponga and the now-notorious machine, affectionately known around the club as Brewy. Reports suggest Ponga has endured repeated misfires, half-caps, weak pours, and one incident where the machine “hissed aggressively” after a tough training session.
One teammate, who asked to remain anonymous, said:
“You can’t expect a man to play consistent footy when his morning flat white is 60% foam. Something had to give.”
WHAT DOES THIS MEAN FOR THE KNIGHTS?
Fortunately for fans, Ponga’s resignation appears to apply only to making his own coffees, not to his NRL career.
Club officials confirmed that while they support player welfare, including coffee-related stress, Ponga remains fully committed to the team.
A Knights spokesperson stated:
“We take appliance-athlete relationships seriously. We’ll be reviewing the machine’s performance and possibly sending it back to QLD Cup level for reconditioning.”
PONGA BREAKS SILENCE
When approached by reporters after training, Ponga simply smiled and said:
“Look, I just want a consistent brew. That’s all I’m asking for.”
He declined to comment on rumours linking him to a brand-new state-of-the-art barista machine arriving next week.
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